Dadventurous
No.
For an episode of Dadventurous.
We are particularly weird today, I feel like.
And so this is going to be an entertaining episode because we're deviating again from the main story, kind of, still the main story.
But last week on Dadventurous, Kea got to retail ruins.
And you found what?
A lamp.
Yeah, where'd you find it, all that stuff?
In a bathroom?
No.
I found a lamp.
What did you approach?
I approached, okay, so I went into an old icky-a.
Mm-hmm, you did, you did.
And I, in a bathroom, off to the left, I believe it was a bathroom.
I think it was a storage room or something, but yeah.
You said it was a bathroom.
Maybe I did.
And I found a lamp with a tiny, cute little lamp, and it was so bright.
But then I got attacked by none other than surge scarabs.
Yep, surge scarabs, indeed.
Yes, and you did not see Maud anywhere, but when you came here, you knew a couple things.
You knew that Maud had sent you a distress call, said, don't come back, et cetera, et cetera.
You came out here at the behest of Theodora, and she basically told you that you were gonna come out here and you were gonna meet up with Barrel, one of Maud's crew, basically, who was gonna come in a couple days and meet you here.
Well, before Barrel showed up, and before anything else, you felt that pull of a surged artifact, and you went to the storage room, you opened it up, you found the lamp, and lo and behold, as you said, attacked and bitten both you and Flipit by these surged scarabs, which naturally, as we have learned from them, put you into a state of unconsciousness.
You blacked out.
Slash, pass out buttons.
Yes, exactly.
And what has happened the last few times that that's happened to you?
It's the flashback episode.
Exactly.
You flashbacked into previous Kea memories, but this one was a bigger attack than normal.
And so we are going to do things a little bit differently.
We've talked a little bit about variants in the world.
These are animal creatures of sorts, you know, Tabaxi, turtles, dragonborn, that kind of thing, that maybe before a wild magic surge came along, were just normal cats or normal turtles.
And then…
Or normal dragons.
Or normal dragons.
And then poof, they became something else.
And that's how those races work in our world.
And that is how Kea works in our world.
About seven years ago, she became a Tabaxi.
But before then, she was also alive.
She's about 12 years old.
And so for five years before that time, she was a cat.
And so we flash back to seven years ago.
We flash back to a more put together Ikea warehouse.
And we flash back to a bedroom.
And I don't mean a cat bedroom, I mean a human bedroom showroom that is put together in this back corner of the upper floor of this large warehouse.
And inside is a cozy little nook where there is a cushion that you have spent the last year or so making exactly the way you like there is.
We all know how cats work people.
Exactly.
There is a window coming through to allow sun in right on the cushion.
It's a beautiful day outside.
You are lounging, you are relaxing, and you are a cat.
Meow.
And so mechanically, we actually created a small little altered...
Cat?
Cat stat block for Kea to use.
Do you want to explain a little bit?
It's a little bit modified.
It's not like a normal cat because it should die in one hit.
My name...
It's the Kea Cat, some reason with a K.
And I have hydrophobia, which means that I hate being immersed in water, which makes sense.
Darkvision.
And I have advantage on dexterity checks because cats are...
Well, cats.
That's true.
And you are smart and stealthy, and you have exactly nine hit points.
Yes.
So you're going to have to think about things a little bit differently than how Kea would do stuff.
Please explain to me how you are relaxing in this room and what you think a Kea kitten cat has in this room.
I made you do this once upon a time, or I surprised you with describing your bedroom.
Now we're doing it again.
But as a cat.
Probably several strings and ropes that I've scavenged and stolen from several of the items here in the IKEA, which I've grabbed and probably pulled back to this room to play with.
I've probably also found...
Yeah, so I have those just kind of laying around.
This cushion is perfectly centered on this window.
I've pushed it a little bit to make sure it's perfectly centered on the sun beam that comes in at exactly noon.
Yes, she's very precise, even as a cat.
I think she...
Do you think there would be mice in this old IKEA?
Yes, there would.
And I definitely had a little thing written out that you have probably sustained your stealth on.
Mice, birds, that kind of thing that fly into the IKEA, because the roof's broken down in sections.
There's a small creek and pond on the lower level that run through the building.
I constantly avoid that.
There's a tree growing through at one point.
It's still very taken over.
It's just in pretty good shape otherwise.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah, she'd probably have, like, in a small pile in the corner, like some, like, mouse bones and bird bones that she probably tried them and then spit it out because it was too hard.
Oh, the bones?
Yeah.
Other than that, it's mostly human bedroom.
Okay.
Is this cushion a cat bed or is it just a cushion?
No, it's probably just, like, a really nice cushion that you drug over here to this perfect window that's on the sun side of the thing.
That is my room.
Well, life is peaceful and quiet.
I think right now you are waking up for the day, and you stretch and you yawn as cats are want to do, and you can enjoy your warehouse life as you wish.
The way it works is, you have a couple main areas that you can go to, okay?
You have the bedroom.
And what I mean is it's a whole showroom of bedrooms.
You have the bathroom showroom.
You have the cafeteria, which has an elevator going down to the downstairs, or an escalator going down to the downstairs entryway.
And then you have the lower level warehouse and showrooms.
Those are kind of how you can explore if you want.
The lower level is where your creek is and where you often catch little fishies and mice and birds and things like that.
What time is it?
It's morning.
I'd say it's the crack of ten.
The crack of ten?
Yeah.
Okay.
I probably slept in a little late.
But then again, cats don't have wake up times.
So I think she'd probably stretch, yawn, a cat yawn, and hop out of the cushion and go downstairs.
So you start heading downstairs.
Down escalators.
Yeah.
As you hop out of the bedroom showroom area, there's a couple other bedroom stuff too that you've probably tried, but they weren't as good as this one.
This one had the sun coming in.
Beautiful.
And you really liked this one, especially in the afternoon.
The going through, a lot of the stuff is broken down and vine covered and whatnot, right?
Yeah.
But you've been here for a year.
It's quiet.
There's no one else here except for creatures, you know.
You've probably scared off other cats that have come by or dogs or wolves because you're a cat and you're terrifying.
You've probably scared them all off.
This is your territory.
And you start making your way through the rubble and the broken down building.
But you know the track.
You know the route.
And you head over to the cafeteria.
There's a cafeteria?
Yeah.
In an IKEA?
Yeah, which would lead you downstairs to the entrance way and the back way to the warehouse and showroom.
Are there any frozen meatballs?
You've never found them as a cat.
You don't have the opposable thumb dexterity to get into certain things.
To get into fridges and everything?
Yeah, maybe not.
But you make your way downstairs, and you have, you know, as you go downstairs, you look out the front door.
Big glass doors, still intact, unlike what Kea saw in present day.
They were all busted up, right?
Still intact glass doors, that there's a little side door that you usually use.
The glass doors don't automate anymore.
They're not automatic, but they're there, and you can see outside.
Beautiful day.
There's the old past world parking lot out there.
You probably see some birds fluttering by the sun rays coming through the trees.
Maybe a light fog in the morning.
And you make your way over to the warehouse showroom area.
You pad your way through, and you get to the major part of the warehouse, where there is a full-on creek running through.
A little bit of past world magic happening, right?
Where you walk through, and there's just shelves and shelves of old boxes that are falling apart.
Things are moldy and rotten, but there's a creek running right through the concrete, and it goes from one side of the warehouse to the other, and then disappears under the wall.
And right in the middle, it forms a pond of sorts, where fish like to swim.
There's a tree in here?
There's a tree, yeah, growing basically next to the pond.
There's a tree basically growing from the ground level of the warehouse up through the roof.
Oh, that's a tall tree.
That big evergreen.
Okay.
I think she...
I think the occasional squirrel comes in here too, but I think you don't like squirrels.
Yeah, no.
I chitter at them, and they chitter at me.
It's too much.
I see, I see.
I think she'd go over and...
Are there any, like, rocks on the side of this pond?
I mean, there's, like, broken up concrete, yeah.
Sure.
I think she'd try to jump onto one of the ones that are near the shore and scan from the slightly higher point of view the water for fish.
Make yourself a...
Oh, gosh.
Investigation, perception...
I think perception is your best.
Yeah.
So we'll probably just do that.
That is a 16.
A 16.
Okay.
To find fish.
It probably takes a few minutes, and while you are waiting, that 16 perception gets you two things.
Number one, you hear, kind of off in the distance, you hear a rumble.
Rumble, rumble, rumble.
But before your cat intelligence of seven, I believe.
Intelli...
It's a minus four for intelligence.
You know, you're not focused on things like that.
You are focused on the nice little orange goldfish style fish that just started swimming into the pond.
And the rumble you forget about, and your eyes laser focus on this fish.
I think in cat language, obviously, I think she thinks in her head, bad choice, fishy.
The action hero one-liner.
Yeah.
Beautiful.
What would you like to do?
How close is it to the rock?
It's swimming around.
You're going to have to be...
You're going to have to hit it with an attack, if that's what you're trying to do.
Yeah.
I want to catch a fish.
So you wait for a moment.
It starts coming closer.
You have on your character sheet some abilities.
How do you want to do it?
You also are hydrophobic.
Yeah.
Which means I want to not swim to get this fish.
I just want to poke it and grab it.
I think she just tried to claws it, if it's five feet.
So you wait a second, it swims close to you.
It's not paying attention.
Go ahead and make an attack against a goldfish.
Oh, no.
Does a six hit?
Does a six hit?
Yes.
No.
It doesn't hit a goldfish.
It didn't have much, but it has more than that.
Do you have goldfish stats?
I do have goldfish stats.
And you reach out and splash it, and it darts away.
And you're going to have to change your position to try again or whatever you want.
I want to slink over to the side of the pond where it seemed to dart away.
Okay, so you sneak over.
Can you make a stealth check for me?
Against the fish?
Yeah.
Um, that is a 22 for stealth.
Easily, you start sneaking around and sneaking around, and you get close enough to get another swipe on this fish.
It is swimming around.
It's eating little things.
It doesn't notice you.
Go ahead.
Oh, finally rolling good.
Does a 23 hit this goldfish?
100% hits.
Do I need to roll damage?
No, but it's fun.
Because you like to roll dice.
One damage.
Guess how many health it has.
One?
Yep.
What a weak goldfish.
Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa.
You are less than level one right now.
You be careful.
You only got nine hit points.
You reach out, expertly snatch this goldfish from the water with your claw and have it in your claw.
Is it dead or is it just wandering?
It had one hit point.
It's unconscious at least.
It's an unconscious.
Wow.
Yeah.
Is that even possible?
I don't know.
I don't think so.
And it's now out of the water, so it's not going to be lasting for very long.
I think she'd take...
I think she'd...
This is her morning sack.
So I think she'd take it, and probably she wouldn't take it back.
Actually, no.
I think she'd take it back to her room and eat it.
Yeah, you probably have like a little eating area...
Yeah...
.
where the bones were that you mentioned, right?
Okay.
So you make your way back up to your room.
Can you make another perception check for me?
As you start scampering through the cafeteria and through the bathroom section...
Five.
Five, okay.
And you make your way into your room.
Now, what?
Meatballs.
And you make your way into your room, and you sit down, and you have yourself a wonderful...
Breakfast...
.
cozy breakfast.
It takes you a little while to finish the fish.
It was a decent size catch.
You're feeling nice and full.
And you hear that distant rumble again.
It still sounds pretty distant.
But then you look over at your cushion, and you see the sunlight coming through.
And it's starting to get to that point in the morning where the sun gets higher in the sky, and it gets real cozy, and you just have a snack.
And so as far as you're concerned, it's cat nap time.
Yeah, I think she'd go over...
How high up is this window, and how close is it to a piece of furniture?
Well, you've pushed your cushion basically next to this window.
Oh, okay.
It was full on sun.
Can I look out the window?
Can I look out the window?
Okay, so you want to look out the window?
Yeah.
Go ahead and look out and make yourself a little perception check.
Did you say it like that?
I don't know.
That was a little flibbit.
13.
Did you roll twice?
Oh, still 13.
You look out and you can see to, in the distance, it's beautiful, sunny, clear skies.
You can see into the forests surrounding retail rooms.
You can't see super far below because the trees are stopping there, but the sun is higher in the sky now, and it's beautiful.
Okay.
Approaching 11 o'clock, once noon hits, that sun is just primo for nap time.
I think you should go over and make yourself comfortable.
Okay.
So you go over and you make yourself comfortable, and you stretch out, and you do that thing where cats pace around like three times before they find the position they want, and then they like push everything into how they like.
I like to imagine there's like extra cushions or blankets or something.
Yeah, I think she'd probably need the pillow a little bit just to get the fluff right where she wants it and then lie down.
And right at about noon, just sitting there relaxing, dozing, thinking your thoughts, thinking about delicious goldfish, what kind of snack you'll get later today, you eventually doze off, right, as the sun reaches its peak and just starts warming your belly, warming all of you, and it's just the coziest thing ever, and you purr, purr, purr, as you fall asleep.
I think she probably talks in her sleep a little bit because cats can do that according to my experience, and so I think she probably occasionally meows because she's dreaming of hunting something.
Boom!
You scared me.
Boom!
You hear another rumble.
And you wake suddenly.
The sun gone.
She's grumpy.
The warmth gone.
Her ears go back.
The quiet, peaceful noises gone.
And suddenly another boom!
And you feel a rumble shake this whole building.
On top of that, you suddenly hear, right as you make this kind of afraid little meow of annoyance, you hear sounds in the showroom.
Not in your bedroom, but in the showroom, outside your little archway.
You hear a little vrrrprrpf.
You hear skittering, TK TK TK TK.
You hear Reving, W cegeke.
You hear scraping, ha ha ha.
And Kea, the cat, suddenly realizes she is not alone, and something has happened.
You look outside your window, the clouds are dark, they are ominous, and they are multicolored.
You figure it's maybe been an hour, sun shouldn't be down, this is a storm.
She's seen storms before, but has she seen multicolored storms?
Nope, never one like this.
Judging by the sounds of scraping, buzzing, whirring, et cetera, et cetera, possibly the et cetera's as well, how far away are these things in the room with her?
So basically you have your room, and then there's like a little archway opening to go out to the rest of the showroom.
Nothing's in your room, but you can't see out there anything.
Until the archway.
Until the archway.
So whatever noises you're hearing are in other bedroom showrooms that you've tried before.
Probably the one next to you, you start hearing tearing.
You can hear like tearing into fabric, something topple over.
You get the sense that they're going through the room searching for stuff.
I think she takes her best, her best yarn piece in her mouth.
Okay.
And bolts out the door.
So you bolt out the door into the rest of the showrooms, and you are faced with a site you have never seen before.
More rubble than before strewn about the main hallway.
There is stuff knocked over, cushions everywhere, torn up.
And you even see like a section of roof crack off and tumble down as a lightning strike happens outside.
And seemingly that storm is not getting into this past world ruin, right?
But something's happening on the inside.
As you see movement cut across your vision and dart into another showroom.
And then another little something skitters across the ground to another showroom.
And then a third little something skitters across the wall and is heading your way.
So you dart out there, but immediately you realize that there are things that you either need to deal with or sneak away from.
Okay, I think being a cat and judging how cats aren't usually very brave creatures, she'd try to sneak with her favorite yarn piece in her mouth.
Like if they're going to destroy everything she wants this to stay.
And what color does this yarn piece look like?
It's her favorite because it's got that metallic thread in it, so it shines in the light.
Nice.
And so it's sparkly and attractive, and then it also is nice and malleable and tossable, so it's really fun to play with.
Yeah, and so it's her favorite yarn piece that she has.
I love that I've made you improv about the silliest things on the podcast.
What is the color of the yarn?
The color of the yarn.
Maybe it's just sparkly silver, I don't know.
No, I think it's sparkly blue.
Okay, sparkly blue.
I wonder if you could analyze this podcast later, and like a therapist could go, the sparkly blue means blank.
Because our improv's brains are weird.
Anyway, you make sure you got a good hold of your yarn, and you start sneaking your way through.
First bedroom, you approach.
There's an archway.
You hear noises inside.
You look and inside is a tiny little mechanical creature, mechanical creature, about cat sized, also tiny.
It looks like it has been created out of wooden pieces from furniture and little metal, like light fixture type pieces.
Probably some wires dangling off of it.
And it looks like it's just searching through stuff.
It is back is turned to you, but go ahead and make your first stealth check.
Is stealth dexterity?
You can get much better than that.
Does a 23 cut it?
Easily, you get down on your cat, well, you're already on all fours.
Cats are always on all fours.
Except when they stand up.
Maybe you crouch down, you get into that sneaky hunter position, and you slink past the first door.
Easy peasy.
You start making your way to the next movement that you saw.
On the way, though, another crack of lightning and above you a piece of roof cracks and falls your direction.
Can you please make a dexterity saving throw?
Yeah, you just use the plus.
Yeah, we're just keeping it simple.
10.
10.
So you go to dodge out of the way, but you were so sneaky, keeping an eye on the scraper, that the thing crashes down right next to you.
10's fine enough that you don't take damage, but I think you get knocked sideways a little bit.
And because of the noise, and you probably made a little bit of a whimper noise, one of the creatures you hear stop doing the rummaging that it was doing and start heading out towards you.
What are you going to do?
Um, can I see this creature yet?
Not yet, but you can hear its little tinkling feet coming out of the room.
You have a moment to decide, there's rubble, there's a wall to climb, there's a room to dive into, there's attacking.
Is there, is this rubble erasure in such a way that I would be able to, that is, like between like the rubble and the wall?
Yeah.
Where it's kind of, can I jump behind it?
You, you are essentially already behind it to where this thing is gonna come out.
Oh.
But you could hide.
Yeah.
But it might take ical few stealth checks because it's gonna be searching for you.
Ready?
Yeah.
So you get behind the rubble really closely, right as you hear this chittering come out, vuv-vuv, and this little metallic probably-t-k-k-k.
Start coming around to where you were just knocked.
And so you're gonna have to move around the rubble, keeping it on the other side of the rubble.
Okay.
Make sense?
Yeah.
Those are on opposite sides.
First stealth check, go.
Think you get advantage, right?
Does a 13 work?
Barely, these things are also not super perceptive, no.
It keeps going around, but you barely beat it, just so you know.
Keeps going around, keeps going around, another stealth check.
You're getting down low, you're prowling, you're on the pads of your feet, going against concrete.
17.
I'm really glad that I had a vantage because my first roll was an out one.
Nice.
With a 17, I'll say you are able to sneak right around to the point to where this guy came from, you can dodge into that showroom.
Okay, is there any more sounds coming from there?
Not from this one, there's one more guy you're gonna have to deal with in here.
I think she'd dodge into the showroom.
You'd dodge in and quickly look around.
A lot of blacks and reds and colors in here.
This one was more of an office bedroom setup that you probably pilfered some stuff from a year ago.
You dart into this archway and there's a second archway leading out of this one.
So there's a two-way hallway in this one.
As you come out of that next archway, behind you, you can hear the chittering of that thing coming back into this room.
At the same time, you look out and you can see one final guy rummaging through things.
Now, to set the scene, in front of you, you have this hallway.
This is how you need to get out to get into the next section.
There's a guy in your way.
To the left of you, there is a low wall that would take you up above the showroom, the roof of the showroom, way up high.
But you know that it's a little bit precarious or again, you can attack things.
My point being is that cats do have a climb speed.
Oh.
So if you wanted to do any climbing, you can.
I think she'd, trying to avoid getting attacked by these weird robot things that she hasn't seen before, she'd try to climb up the wall, knowing that it's precarious, but knowing it's your best chance of...
Can you go ahead and make an acrobatics check, which would be just dexterity, but I believe you have advantage on dexterity checks.
With the plus for my dex, 20.
All right.
Non-natural.
Yeah, so you take a running leap at the wall and you use those powerful cat claws to pounce, pounce, pounce.
Takes you like three pounces, maybe four, to launch yourself up to the top of this roof of this showroom.
As you get up to the top, it wobbles on you because you know that it's precarious.
You've been up here before.
There's a pathway across and you think that you can get across without alerting anyone.
It's a narrow walkway where you are supported by the beams of this roof board.
It was not designed to have weight on it.
You can either go slow or fast.
Slow means you don't have to make dexterity saving throws, but you're going to have to make a couple of stealth checks.
Fast means you only got to do one of each.
Okay.
I think she'd...
I think she'd go fast.
She'd go fast?
Yeah.
So, first and foremost, make a stealth check for me.
As you continue that momentum of this launch up onto the roof, and you go for a dash.
Eight on my stealth.
With advantage?
Yeah.
My roll was a four.
Both times?
No.
One was a...
Not one.
All right.
So you go for stealth, and immediately you step in the wrong spot.
Your mind's not where it's supposed to be.
You are not thinking clearly.
And you...
Did you just swap dice?
Yes.
My mini dice are not working.
And you immediately send a huge wobble through this platform, and the whole thing makes a loud rattle noise.
As you go.
Now that being said, that was just stealth.
So I think now you need to make a dexterity saving throw, because you said you wanted to go fast.
So it's loud now, but you can still move fast.
Dexterity saving throw.
Ooh, I got a good roll this time.
It was, does a 20 cut it on my dexterity.
The wobble happens.
It doesn't throw you off balance or anything like that, but you know that those guys are going to come looking.
So you make a dash to the edge of this showroom floor.
Now, the only problem is, is there is a guy, one of these little scrapers, and you look down the wall on the other side, it is climbing up your way because of that stealth check.
It's in a bit of a precarious situation on the wall.
Yeah.
It is coming up to you.
It does not notice you yet as it comes up, but it knows that there was something up here.
And you're going to have to do something about this creature.
How stable is this wall?
The walls are sturdy.
The roof was not stable.
Just so everyone knows, the daughter just had an evil look on her face.
So I'm excited to see where this one goes.
The exit for this showroom is on the other side of this guy.
You got to get down to the floor and go through the door.
Would pouncing, moving ten feet in a straight line also count downwards?
I don't see why not.
You can climb.
I want to pounce on this guy.
So you look down, you see this scraper coming up your way, and you dash and you make your pounce attack.
You do have to succeed on hitting him, I believe, for the pounce to work.
And hits with a claw attack, yeah.
I'm assuming a 21.
Does it?
Yes.
Easily.
This doesn't hurt.
So you make a dash over the edge of the wall and you leap towards this construct, your claws digging in, as you guys both go for a downward tumble.
That is three damage.
That is three damage.
Also, it took the brunt of your...
It has to make a strength saving throw.
Okay, so it would do two...
Oh, it has to make a strength saving throw or be knocked.
A three probably doesn't do it.
No, no it does not.
So it hits the ground underneath you.
It has little tack fingers.
Tack?
Yeah, like thumb tack fingers, and it's trying to reach out and get you, but it got knocked prone, and I believe you get to do a secondary thing for free if you do that.
Yes, but I have the yarn in my mouth.
I mean, you can still...
Free action to drop the yarn for a second.
Okay, I'm gonna drop the yarn for a sec, and I'm going to bite him.
Nice, go ahead and do your thing.
That's a 13.
That does hit.
Oh, yeah.
They have very little armor.
I can do four damage.
Nice.
So you took a total of seven damage.
Which is enough.
You...
Yeah, these guys are tiny.
Otherwise, this encounter would have been really dumb and boring if I made them like high level.
And so these guys are tiny little scrapers.
And so...
You bite into this thing, where you imagine a heart or a brain would be, something like that.
It's probably a little wooden nightlight head.
And you bite it, rip it off, and it disassembles into pieces.
You're feeling particularly like a wild cat.
Adrenaline rush.
Yeah, the adrenaline rush is thumping, but you do hear the sounds of those other ones coming.
You have a moment to dash through the door.
You pick up your urn.
Yes, I'm saving this urn specifically.
And I'm going to dash through the door.
And how close are the stairs?
You still have to get through the bathroom zone to get to the cafeteria where the stairs are.
Scene two.
You dart through these doors, these little swing doors, and you enter into the bathroom showcase.
Beautiful.
Bathtubs, toilets, shower curtains.
Beautiful.
I don't remember how it looks.
Beautiful.
Swedish toilets.
Peppering the showroom floor.
I have no idea what a Swedish toilet is.
Toilet brushes.
Maybe a stock of nice bath mats.
Oh.
This room is one of those rooms where there's lots of nice little things that you've probably pilfered, but there's no windows or anything.
It's kind of like a pastoral room.
Yeah.
And you immediately notice that it doesn't seem like there's any of these scrapers in here at first.
And...
There's toilets.
Right.
You start making your way through.
It's quiet in here, and those little tiny scraper dudes don't seem like they could get through that door that you were able to push through.
The chase does not continue.
You start making your way through the bathroom section, and again, you hear this rumble and lightning strike outside.
And you look over, and you see the exit.
You see two little swing doors.
And you know that going through there will lead you into the cafeteria.
You pass by a toilet, you pass by a bathtub, and then you look over towards the door, and you see suddenly a slightly larger scraper form into being.
And this is very strange for your cat eyes, but you actually watch a toilet brush from one side, a toothbrush holder from the other side.
A toothbrush holder?
A toothbrush holder.
You see little towel racks and dispensers of soap and thing come together and form together and create a bathroom scraper.
Its head is a clear soap dispenser, and the top presses up and down out of anger.
And one arm is a toilet brush, and the other arm is a towel rack, and its body is a toothbrush holder, and it has a toilet paper that it is rolling on as a roller for its feet.
Yep, that's the creation I have created.
Wait, is the toilet paper running out?
Well, as it rolls forward a little bit, you notice it's leaving, sure, a trail of toilet paper behind it.
It looks towards you and makes an angry pump motion with its soap pump dispenser.
And I need you to roll initiative.
My yarn.
It'd be dex.
Eleven.
Guess what?
You still go first.
I rolled a four.
A four?
That's old the dad for you.
Terrible at rolling.
For your bad guys only.
That's true.
I roll really well for NPCs to do dumb things.
Okay.
So it notices you, looks at you, and it starts rolling your way.
It wields its toilet brush in an offensive motion.
And it attacks.
However, you are the one who gets to go first.
This one's about your size.
My size?
Yep.
So you get the feeling that it could get through the swing door.
So you might have to deal with it.
I think she'd...
How far away is this toilet paper golem of...
30 feet.
Bathroominess?
30 feet.
Hmm.
A toilet paper titan.
Yes.
I like that.
Even though it's cat-sized.
That I'm going to...
We're just calling it the TTT.
Because that's way easier to say.
Well, I'm going to...
Would my...
What?
I didn't know what that weird squishy thing was.
It was a foot.
A squishy thing?
Um, would moving in a straight line...
Uh, for 10 feet count if I moved in a straight line for 30 feet?
For my pounds?
Oh, so the way pounds works is you have to move at least 10 feet in a straight line.
Yeah.
But if I moved 30 feet in a straight line, would it still count?
Well, that would still be at least 10 feet.
I mean, she's going to rush up to this toilet paper...
Titan.
TTT.
Um, rush up...
TPT.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Toilet paper Titan.
Okay.
She's going to, um, rush up to this TPT.
Pounce.
And...
Pounce on him with her claws.
Okay.
Um...
Dropping the yarn a little ways back.
And she's going to, um, go, Oh, yeah!
Okay, go ahead and make your attack, as it pumps its soap dispenser angrily.
Is there soap in it?
No, there's no soap.
It's just pumping air.
A slight breeze comes in your head.
Um...
You feel the slight puffs of...
Of scented air.
Oh, wow, we're real special.
All right, go ahead and tell me what you got.
Does a 15 hit.
15 definitely hits.
Um...
Four damage.
Um, and then I get to bite them again.
Oh, wait.
Uh, make a strength saving throw.
Where's my strength?
Not great.
It's not great.
It's a minus two, and I rolled a nine.
So, seven.
You bare...
Oh, oh, you rolled a nine, but you got a seven.
Yep, that doesn't count.
What's the strength save that I gotta get?
Ten.
Ah, okay.
So, you describe how you knock it over.
Uh, I think she rushes up, drops the yarn, and rushes at, jumps on this, on its head, and probably jumps on it a little bit to get it to go up and down.
And then she'd probably swipe at his...
What did he have?
A toilet brush and a...
And a toothbrush holder.
And a toothbrush holder.
I think she'd probably swipe at the toothbrush holder, and then...
Go for a bite.
And then go for a bite.
Nice.
Go ahead.
I'm assuming a 17 hits.
It definitely hits.
You're rolling very well.
Ha!
This dice is much better.
The other one's in jail.
Yeah, the other one's in dice jail.
Nice.
Okay, what is my...
They're all the same.
One damage.
One damage.
This thing immediately looks a little beat up.
As you leapt on it, you knocked it over, you bit at it, and it's sitting there.
It is going to use its movement.
Actually, I have 10 feet of movement.
Would I not trigger an opportunity attack if the target is knocked from?
Oh, I think you still do.
I have 40 feet of movement.
Oh, okay.
It triggers, but I would have disadvantage.
Okay, I think she'd run away.
Because the creature has disadvantage on attack rolls prone.
Okay, so he's going to make a disadvantage attack at you.
Oh, so sad.
I rolled a nat 20 as my first roll.
What did you roll your second time?
It would have been a nine.
That doesn't hit you?
Dang it.
Bummer, man.
All right.
But now it's its turn.
You have 10 feet of movement.
I pick up the yarn again.
Yeah.
So I move 10 feet away from him.
Luckily for me, that's not far enough.
Half movement to stand up.
You can only move 20 feet.
But half movement to stand up, half movement to roll this toilet paper way over to you.
How much of the roll is left?
If you had to roll 10 feet.
There's still a lot.
Toilet papers have a lot.
Yeah.
That's true.
He's fine, currently.
Runs over to you, takes the toilet brush, rears it back, spins it at a high speed for some reason, like a drill, and then gives you a spinning brush attack.
Is going to whack you towards the top of your head.
But does a 12 hit?
Meet or beat.
Finally does some damage.
Guess how much damage you take.
Two, no, one damage.
Sorry, one damage.
Okay.
So you have now eight lives left.
Did I die and re-spon?
Something like that.
I think you died a little inside when you heard that joke.
Your fake laugh as well.
Thank you.
It is now your turn.
It is right up in your business.
Slashy, slashy.
Slashy, slashy.
Slashy, go ahead.
I think she thinks to herself, I'm going to need to sharpen my claws after this.
Thirteen?
Thirteen hits.
Triangle.
Don't mean much.
One.
One damage is all you need.
Yeah.
Okay.
You finish it off.
How do you want to do this?
I think she's going to do cinematic movie camera pans around.
She jumps up on the guy's head again, because it's just so much fun.
And I think tries to stay on, but gets knocked off by it going ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch.
And just swipe it where in the middle of his assumed chest, and go, watch out.
And as you do, the scrape claws into it, breaks it apart, the magic holding it together, fizzles out, and it crumples into pieces.
You take a moment, and you take a breath, and you paint, and you paint, and you paint, and you know that next, you're going to get into the cafeteria.
Meatball Monsters.
And there might be Meatball Monsters.
We'll find out next time on Dadventurous.
Okay, so we will continue on this silly cat-based adventure next week.
Thank you all for joining us.
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